TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

Got these in and e-mail. I thought they were good.


TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too s eri ously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start a gain?
oh no, that would be me....
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 Procrastinate Now!

19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.

26..Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what in the world is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few!

In Memory....

May 2008

 

Very Long Update.....

Well - here it all goes. The long and emotional of the last 2 months. We had our IUI cycle in April. The cycle went well - I produced 8 eggs; 5 matured and released. A very good cycle - medically speaking. But the cycle failed. We were so disappointed. We totally gave up at that point. We had tried everything we could possibly try. IVF was looking to be our only hope; and neither of us saw a way that would even be possible.

So - much to our surprise; In May I started feeling sick. Not the typical Morning Sickness - but more like a bad cold or flu. The girls at work kept telling me all that week they bet I was pregnant. I told them that was impossible. It could only happen with IVF. So; after several days I decided to take a home test at work just to show them I could not be pregnant. Well - I was proved wrong. A very light line came up on the test stick. I was shocked and didn't know what to think. I first thought the test was wrong. No way could it happen after what the dr's had told us.

So - I called my dr. office and the sent over a lab order for a blood preg. test. Two hours later it was confirmed - I was preg.; but it was a boarderline positive. The pregnancy could go either way they told me.

This was on Friday - May 16, 2008. I was told to repeat the test on Monday to see if my numbers doubled like they should. In a normal preg.; the hcg doubles every 48 hours. My beta hcg was 4.9 on May 16th. I was so happy - forget what that dr. said. I was preg. after he said it was impossible. Nothing could go wrong. God sent us the baby we so desperately wanted. The baby was due on our 3rd wedding anniversary (January 27, 2009). I was so happy I couldn't even wait to get home to tell my husband. I called him from work and told him on the phone. We were both happy; but we were scared at the same time. We so badly wanted this to work out. We wanted this baby to stay with us. The last year and a half had been full of so many disappointments that this one just had to be it.

So when I got off work he called and asked what I was doing. I told him going to Wal-mart. He asked why and I said just to look around. He knows me so well - and knew I wasn't telling him something. So he didn't let that one go. I finally told him I was going to buy some more tests so I could pee on the stick all weekend to make sure the lines got darker. He laughed and said " I knew you would - I am here at Wal-mart waiting for you to walk in the doors." LOL - we bought 6 tests so I could use one twice a day. Now - does anyone else get that excited over a pregnancy??

Well - the lines kept showing up all weekend on those tests - although still very light - they were getting darker.

Monday morning came and I couldn't wait to have my bloodtest. I just knew it had to be good; but I was scared at the same time. It could go either way. I knew this all to well.

So I got to work and we did the beta hcg and prog. Two hours later - I had the results.... Monday - May 19th they were 20.8. They more that doubled. I was so happy and excited I jumped up and screamed and hugged the girl that told me. I was in tears. I could finally relax. This one was it. This one was the keeper. I just knew it. Although my progesterone was a little low at 13.9 - I just had to take prog. supplements for 3 months. So there it was - 750 mg a day of prog. to support the preg.

I called my husband and he was just as excited. Did I stop with the home tests now - oh definately not. I went and bought 5 digital preg. tests that afternoon. I had to see the word preg. before I would totally be relaxed. Next beta hcg and prog. was scheduled for Wednesday.

Well - Wednesday came and my hcg was suppose to double again. Took the blood test - two hours later got the results. My hcg was 101 and my progesterone was 32.5. Holy Cow it more than doubled. The supplements were working. Nothing would go wrong now.

I took the last digital pregnancy test I had and finally saw those beautiful words.... I even took a picture of it.....


We called everyone we could and finally told them I was pregnant.

The next beta was Friday - May 23. I got the most horrible news I could that morning. My hcg dropped. It went to 32.6. The dr. told me to come in for an ultrasound. My heart sunk. I cried all the way to my husbands work where I had to tell him.

The ultrasound was awful. I should have been seeing my baby. Not checking like this. The ultrasound showed exactly what I didn't want to hear. I was losing my baby.

On Memorial Day - May 26, 2008; my baby grew wings and went to heaven.

I have cried until I have been sick. It is all my fault - I am not a "real woman" - if I was I could get preg. and not miscarry.

I have lost all interest in life. I feel like a failure. I am a failure - why can't I do the one thing a woman is suppose to do. I just don't understand this.

We have got a lot of love and support from friends and our church family. The cards; hugs and prayers have all meant a lot.

Where will we go from here - I have no idea. I still cry over this baby and I really don't think I will ever forget.

IUI update....

It's been a while since I updated; so this will be a long one.

In Sept. 2007 I had multiple cysts on both ovaries from all the months of clomid I had been on. So I had to go on a TTC break while being on the BCP to dissolve all those wonderful cysts.

Nov. 7, 2007 I had the followup appt. with the gyn for the cysts. The Dr. appt. didn't go like I thought it would. The good news was the cysts were gone. The bad news is I was diagnosed with PCOS. The Dr. said she consulted with the R.E. and they said there is no chance I could get preg. now without IVF. I lost it in the Dr. office. I had cried until I don't think I could cry anymore. It didn't and still doesn't seem fair. How the heck can you tell by just an u/s that I have PCOS??? I don't understand it. I asked about the HSG and she said there was no reason to do one. That even if my tubes were still open I don't have a chance without IVF. I heard IVF until I didn't want to hear it again.

I COULD NOT accept this. This was NOT FAIR. Why???? All I could think of was WHY???

Then I went on to blame myself for it all. It was MY FAULT for having the TL to begin with. I destroyed my own body and God was punishing me.

After many people told me to call another doctor; I did just that. So on November 08,2007 I called another doctor. He scheduled for an HSG to be done 4 days later and said we would go from there.

Then.... on November 12, 2007 I went for my HSG. It really wasn't that bad. They insert a cath. and inject the dye. I had some mild cramping, but nothing worse than that. The results were good! Both of my tubes are wide open!! The dr. said he saw no reason why I couldn't conceive without IVF! So back on the clomid I went and kept on trying.

More disappointment when it didn't work. So we decided it was time to consult with another RE and find out what all was going on.

So.... January 21, 2008; we had the appt. with the new RE and were in there for 4 hours. It was a long day. Very productive though.

He said the reason for the chemical's I have had is the short tubes. The egg is fertilizing and then it leaves the tubes and tries to implant before the lining is ready for it.

The plan was IUI with follistim. On cd3 I would go in for the baseline and the b/w. They were also going to test me for insulin resistance on cd3. He is also going to do the trigger and add progesterone 2-3 days after the trigger shot.

Did a lot of bloodwork and cultures and also the progesterone test; got all those results back and they were good.

He did say IVF would be our best chance - but it is not impossible for the IUI to work.

So we decided to just rest from everything for a couple of months. Then thanks to a wonderful friend of mine IUI became even more possible. She had some meds left over from her cycle and was nice enough to offer them to me. That would save a lot of money. The only thing was this was gonal - f instead of the follistim; but the RE said that it was basically the same thing and approved me to take it. God is wonderful! It was really starting to look like this could happen.

So we are now in an IUI cycle with injections. I am starting to look like a druggie running around looking for her next hit now I am so bruised - lol.

Anyway - had the first set of blood work on Thursday.

3/27/2008 - U/S & CD3 B/W
FSH - 11
E2 - 57.6
Insulin - 3.3
Potassium - 6.2

Potassium level was high

3/31/2008 - Repeat Potassium test - normal - 5.3

4/2/2008 - next appt.



That’s all of the update for now. Just praying this works.

Pregnancy test was today...

And it was negative. Not sure where we will go from here. The RE wants us to come in to the office to discuss IUI and IVF and see which way we want to go.

Triggered and waiting....

Triggered last night and in another 2 week wait. Preg. test is July 12.

A lot of people don't understand what it feels like to want a baby so bad and to battle infertility. This video explains it very well. Take a look at this...

On to another month...

Went for the baseline ultrasound this morning just to make sure no cysts. Everything looked good. So I get the remainder of my prescriptions today. That was a hard ultrasound to go for. We were suppose to be looking for a baby this time - not just doing a baseline. The tech said "I'm sorry" so many times. It's good they are so caring - don't get me wrong. It just still hurts and all the "I'm Sorrys" - oh I don't know. Guess I'm just in a depressed mood.

Well - anyway - on to another month of clomid. Hopefully we'll get the sticky bean this time. Crossing my fingers and praying!!

Test results...

Preg. blood test came back today. Showed another chemical pregnancy. I don't understand this at all. We are trying another month of clomid and if it doesn't work - moving on to IUI.

Another 2 week wait...

Had the ultrasound Tuesday. There are 3 eggs this time!!! Took the trigger shot Tuesday afternoon and we are now waiting for 2 weeks before we know. Praying and crossing our fingers. All the bloodwork earlier in the month looked good. Just going to try the Clomid a couple more months before moving on to the next step.

Pregnancy test today...

It was negative. Go in for more bloodwork in about a week to see what to do next.

Progesterone Test...

Today I had my progesterone test. It was 56!!!!! That is a really good number! The nurse said that they will do the pregnancy test on May 14th. So now we cross our fingers and pray this all worked out.

We got eggs!!!

Went for my ultrasound this morning. There were 2. The one of the left is 25 and the one on the right is 18. The tech said they will call me with the instructions but most likely trigger tonight. As I was getting ready to leave she said " Well - the next time I see you maybe you will be knocked up". I laughed and said " lord - I hope so" LOL.

Savings for IVF

Ultrasound....

I had the ultrasound this morning. There were no cysts!!! I have 7 follicles on the left side and 9 on the right. Started the clomid today. Take 100 mg a day for 7 days. The next ultrasound should be at the end of next week.

New Plan....

The RE is monitoring me with the clomid. I go for a ultrasound tomorrow. If no cysts I will start the clomid tomorrow. Then I will have another ultrasound April 30 to check how many follicles I have and how big they are. Here is the fun part - I will give myself a trigger shot probably around April 30th if the follicles are big enough. Whooohooo - I get to give myself a shot (lol).

Oh well - not this time...

On to the 2nd month of Clomid. A little disappointed but that's ok. It has to work eventually - right?

Things you didn't know before trying to conceive (ttc)

The Things You Didn't Know Before TTC

1 That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
2 That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
3 That the longer you TTC, the more PG women spring up around you.
4 That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
5 That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
6 That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
7 That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
8 That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant.
9 That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
10 That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
11 That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby.
12 That miscarriage is so common.
13 That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
14 That I wasted A LOT of money on Birth control pills!!
15 That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!
16 That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
17 That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my DH about it.
18 That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in FL by now.
19 That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.
20 That having AF show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
21 That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
22 That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
23 That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy
24 That one day all of this will make us stronger.
25 That no one I know (in my non FF life) would have any understanding as to how I feel.
26 That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
27 That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.
28 That I would make so many new, wonderful friends who totally get how I feel because we are all going through the same thing.
29 That I would know about other peoples' BD, CP, CM but not know their real name, their DH's name, or their occupation.
30 That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (DH, family, friends, dogs, fun, etc)!
31 That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!
32 That I would learn to speak in code
Like I checked CM which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, DH won't let me for fear of BFN
33 That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.
34 That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.
35 That I would buy herbs and otc creams like vitex and progest, use them for two days, and then chicken out.
36 That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would infuriate me beyond belief.
37 That it puts this much strain on a marriage
38 That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.
39 That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.
40 That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.

It's the waiting game....

I ovulated!! I am 4 days past ovulation - 9 days until testing! Praying this is a success this month and we get that positive!

Pain...

I am in soooo much pain. My ovaries hurt like hell. It has been painful for 3 days now. It is throbbing. I swear I must have 20 eggs in there right now. Two more weeks and maybe I will have that positive preg. test. That would be great. James' birthday is the 15th so that would be the best birthday present for him.

Day 5

OK - I admit the mood swings are in full force now. Hot flashes too. The poor kids think I am crazy (lol). Well - 2 more days and that will be it for these little pills. Then I just sit back and wait for everything and pray this is a success.

You know - we want a baby bad to go through all of this. I had my "tubes tied" for 10 years before getting the tubal reversal. When I was younger I could get pregnant so easily. Now it just seems to be so difficult. I never thought it would take so long. I was so excited to know I was whole again and could have a baby. Now - month after month is full of disappointment. I wonder how much longer my arms will be empty before I finally have a baby in them. I wonder if this first month of the clomid will work or if I will have to go through several months of it. Then again - you can only take it for 6 months max. If it doesn't work then - well - I guess the next step will be IVF.

Waiting - Hopeing - praying. This is a long road; but one day will be so worth it all.