Strange things...

You know there is always something that happens that makes you go hmmm... where did that come from? The past couple of years have been very hard emotionally. The loss of a child whether it is through miscarriage, still birth or any other way is very devastating. It takes everything out of you. You never forget that child. You always wonder who that baby looked like, if it was a boy or girl, color of hair, color of eyes. You wonder what it would have been like to hold that baby in your arms the first time. You have grief,heartache and many other emotions that honestly never go away. You wonder if you did something to cause it.

I was going through my blog this morning and reading old posts. Mainly to have a good cry. Before I could cry while I was reading "In Memory" my phone rang. It was the mother of a childhood friend. She said "Just wanted to ask if you were trying for a baby?" I was a little shocked, I mean what else would you think. I didn't really know how to respond so I told her that I would love to have another baby more than anything. I have just lost hope of it happening. She then replied with "Well - when the baby gets here I would love to babysit for you".

I hope this is a sign that we are about to get good news. Maybe our prayers are about to be answered. Who knows. Maybe the Easter Bunny will bring the best news possible. Sure would be nice.

My Prayer...

Almighty God, hear my prayer and the wishes of my heart.
You know my deep desire for a child -- a little one to love and to hold, to care for, to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image. Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby's birth are in line with Your will. Heavenly Father, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.Amen!

Death Of Emily....

My friend, Emily Miller, passed away Tuesday night at 8:45. Her youngest son called me right when she passed. It was heartbreaking.

Emily fought hard in her battle with the lung cancer. It was just so progressed by the time it was diagnosed in April that there wasn't much that could be done. So she made the most out of the time she had left.

This last month was very rough on her. She lost a lot of weight and last week she was on morphine constantly for the pain.

I know she is in a better place now and in no more pain; but looking at her little boy's face while he is dealing with something no 13 year old should be dealing with is very hard.

Please pray for this family and her youngest son as he makes the transition to moving to another city and new school with his father and step mother.

Prayers For A Friend....

Emily Bourque ( Miller); a good friend of mine has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. It is in both lungs, both lymph nodes, and they are waiting on test to come back now to see if it is in the bones. She has stage 4 lung cancer. She is 49 and has 2 sons ( ages 18 and 12).Please say a prayer for her and her family. They need them all.

IVF....

The cost of IVF is really high; but looks like where we are headed in a few short months. This is a list of the tests and cost of each we have to do. We still need $9650 to be able to do the IVF. We hope to be able to by the end of the summer. So - to raise the money for it; I have my Mary Kay website up and running. All profits will go toward our IVF fund. If you shop from the website and put "IVF Fund" in the comment field of your order - you will get a 10% discount off your purchase. Visit the website at www.marykay.com/tehowell

Consultation and work-up are required prior to in vitro fertilization.
Screening and Work Up:
Antinuclear Antibody (reference lab) $ 63.00 (paid)
Anticardiolipins (reference lab) $ 265.00 (paid)
Lupus Anticoagulant (reference lab) $ 64.00 (paid)
Thyroid Antibody Group (reference lab) $ 116.00 (paid)
Hysterosonography (SIS) $ 468.00 (paid - already done and all clear!)
HSG (1) plus hospital fees $195.00

Baseline Studies:
FSH Test (1) $ 84.00
Pregnancy Test (1) $ 84.00
Estradiol Tests (2) $ 220.00
Sonar (2) $ 420.00
Office Visit with Nurse (2) $ 86.00
Baselines Subtotal $ 894.00 ( Balance for this is $100)

IVF Cycle Monitoring:
Estradiol Tests (3) $ 330.00
BV Blue $ 34.00
CBC (1) (reference lab) $ 27.00
Progesterone Tests (3) $ 252.00
Sonars (3) $ 630.00
Pregnancy Evaluation after IVF $ 278.00
Monitoring Subtotal $1,551.00 (Balance for this is $150)

IVF Procedures:
Ultrasound Guidance $ 475.00
Egg Retrieval $2,000.00
Egg Identification from Fluid $ 740.00
Sperm Prep for Insemination $ 160.00
Culture & Fertilization of Eggs $2,330.00
Culture & Fertilization, extended 4-7 days $ 825.00
Prep Embryos for Transfer $ 320.00
Embryo Transfer $ 320.00
Ultrasound for Transfer $ 210.00
Procedures Subtotal $7,380.00

Optional Services for IVF :
Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) $1,280.00
ICSI, if greater that 10 oocytes $ 545.00
Assisted Embryo Hatching (AEH) $ 960.00
TESA $2,365.00
Embryo Insemination $ 220.00
Cryopreserve Excess Embryos $ 770.00
- Annual storage fee after one year $ 300.00
Frozen Embryo Transfer:
Monitoring $ 447.00
Thaw/AEH/Transfer $2,700.00

Pregnancy Test...

It was today and it was negative. Oh well - that was our last chance at IUI. Next step - IVF. We are going to hold off a few months on it though. Time for a little break.

Small update...

I had my progesterone blood test today. It was above 41!!! The nurse said that was excellent!!!! They changed my preg. test to the 20th (next Friday). Just a few more days now and hopefully we will have some great news!